BLURBS: My Hole, PMS (Pre musical-event syndrome) Vent, Garden

Blurbs:  Here are my blurbs.  I have noticed that I am using this blog mainly as an outlet.  I come here to write when I am sad, angry, frustrated or otherwise having negative emotions.  It's not a fun read.  But it's healing to me.  At least for the moment.  If you've returned here and read my sad, boring, self pitying blog, you must be a special person.

Blurb:  My Hole
I am returning to my hole.  It's my own fault.  I think I have forgotten to take my med's for about a week - maybe longer.  I am not good at taking daily medications - I forget.  I cannot remember the last time I took an entire round of antibiotics.  I know this, so I have an alarm that goes off everyday that plays an obnoxious tune and displays the words "Did you take your medicine?!?!"  I have been in the middle of something everyday when the alarm goes off.  EVERY STINKING DAY.  Usually, I've been on the phone, so I've turned off the obnoxiousness, but never taken the actual meds.  It's catching up with me.  I am taking my 3 little pills (happy pill, iodine and vitamin C) RIGHT NOW.  Done.


Blurb: PMS Vent
Yeah, I have the kind of PMS your thinking about, but more pressing is the Pre Musical-event Syndrome variety.  That, added to the "regular" kind, plus not taking meds -- baaaaad combination.

This time of year, and all the last minute preparation is stressful. The end result is beautiful, and SO worth it!  That pre event stress is actually what led me to becoming so involved in the musical organization that my kids are a part of. 

But, this year.... there have been some extra things leading up to the season of music have made me on edge.   They've frustrated me, and made me angry, they've embarrassed me and made me sad.   Personal Issue:  I can't seem to let go of these things.  I keep rehashing them, because my nature is to want to fix them. A lot of this is not new, but I am coming to the realization that things won't change. It would be ok if "THINGS" would change. There is some saying out there that goes something like "The definition of stupidity is: repeating the same actions over and over and expecting a different result."  Sadly, that could also be the definition of practice.  I am tired of practicing stupidity. I am tired of working my butt off, and then being shot down by people who won't take time to think things through, keep records or plan.

Blurb: Garden
The garden has surprised me.  Things I was giving up on are finally growing FOOD.   This past weekend, I noticed that I had some cauliflower !!  Yay!  The snow peas are blooming and making fruit! Yay!  The turnips look like they might have good roots!  Yay!

Blurb:  Family and Marriage
Well, we knew the travel would be difficult.  It's harder than we expected, but for different reasons.  MightyMo being home is hard.  The girls and I get it done during the week.  It's not always pretty, or perfect or at the time of day someone else might do things, but we work together and get things done.   MightyMo being home has screwed that up, and no one likes it. He has given us all grief because we've inconvenienced him. Grief about whether there is activity in the kitchen past his self-designated bed time, he gave a 45 minute grief lecture over a bad grade without offering ONE way to address it moving forward (all on a night where we got home late, and the grade receiver had not yet started their homework or studying for that evening), he gave me grief (serious grief, not fun grief) about me my coffee cup being too big.   This has upset the girls.

The fact is that those same issues were there before the travel began.  We just didn't realize how much we were walking on eggshells.  Now we do.  I'm not sure what to do about it.  Maybe it's time to go back to the counselor.  I never did take the girls, though I said I would.

Blurb:  Work
I hate going to work.  I've been in the workforce for 30 years -- since I was 14 -- I've NEVER hated work, until the last 6 months.

Blurb:  Getting Old
I am getting old, and it stinks.  The arthritis in my hands has been a real issue the last two weeks.  My herniated disk in my neck is giving me fits, creating numbness and pain so that  I don't sleep well.  I am waking up every night with my entire right arm numb and aching.  I just called the neurologist I wish to see and could not get a direct appointment (they require a referral!).  I utilized personal avenues (I called the doctors wife!) and hopefully someone will call me back.

I'm MELTING....

Help! I'm melting! Everyone can see it!  Things are coming apart at the seams, and I may not be able to hold it together.  I am spread too thin, and I am not doing a good job at anything.

It's the time of year.  Stress.  There are more things to do than there are hours in the day.  What I choose to do to relax, or take time for me,  is like punishment, because I am not doing things that I need to do.

It's this time of year when I am always facing making a gut wrenching choice:  Do I disappoint/shortchange, a couple of people, who I know will love me anyway, or, do I disappoint bunches of people, by letting things fall apart?   I feel like I am melting, when really, really, what I want to do is what I learned REALLY happened to the Wicked Witch (who, as it turns out, wasn't wicked at all); let everyone think I've melted, and then disappear.
 
OK. That is not true either.  But I am feeling the need to run for cover. 

The funny thing is, sometime shortly after the most recent pre-teen hissy fit about the amount of time I was NOT spending with them, I told my girls that I was thinking it was time to step back, and make some changes, and give up some time killing extra-curricular activities that I have.  They were aghast. Where I thought I'd get three cheers, I got a resounding "Noooo!".  I was shocked.

I asked them why, and they said that the knew I loved these things, and that they liked me being involved.  They felt proud when someone would ask "Is that your mom?".  Ok. Wow.

But the fact is, I may have reached my limits.  Not just in time, but limits in my ability to do good.  I am a good doer.  I've done a lot.  I do a lot.  I am not doing a good job in leading.  A good leader would not be DOING as much as I am. A good leader would be having it done.

I feel a little better writing this down. Not sure why, but I guess it's because I have compiled my thoughts.

Blurb-o-rama!

I have wanted to blurb for days, but things keep coming up, and I haven't gotten around to it.  Since my memory has as many holes in as my kitchen colander, I've probably forgotten most of the things, but here goes BLURB-O-RAMA!

Weddings, Brothers and Sister-in-laws:  
Both of my brothers have gotten married within the last 6 weeks.  Since most of my friends and acquaintances don't know either of them, this is sometimes a bit complicated when I talk about the brothers, and their new brides. Anyway, the older of my two brothers and his new wife were in town this weekend.  I always enjoy them.   They got to hear/see the LMNOP Choir perform, the first time either of them had heard them live.

LMNOP and Performance:
I was super impressed with the choir at their performance this past Saturday! Super!   I love the choir.
I am also getting frustrated, I have probably run my mouth too much about my frustrations.  I cannot quite put my finger on my frustrations, but they are real, and they are there.

Garden Blurb:
Most of the garden is looking good.  I cant figure out why some things have just stopped.  I am waiting for more broccoli.  I know I've said it before, but I am enjoying this more than I could have imagined!

Pear Butter Blurb:
I made pear butter this weekend.  It is the bomb!  The bomb!  I went a little nuts and bought a bunch more pears. I was going to make more pear butter, but MightyMo asked me to find a recipe for pear preserves like his grandmother used to make.  (A sign of his 'approval' of the stuff I've been making.)   I am searching. I also will be doing more with apples. (see next blurb!)

Canning Equipment and Amazon Blurb: 
I went a little crazy with my Amazon shopping.  I bought a pressure canner -- a 23 quart!  WooHoo! It should come on the "big brown truck of joy" tomorrow.   I  have no idea what I am going to can in it yet, but I will find something.  I sure didn't want to have the perfect thing to can, only to not have the equipment! ;o
I also bought an apple peeler, some clear-jel, labels for jars that I can personalize. I'm set.

Balancing Act Blurb:
As I somewhat suspected, MightyMo's weekend home weekend required balance. We had Brother & Wife in town, a major football game matchup on TV, and Mighty Mo, all vying for the same limited time slots.  MightyMo wanted us home.  He did not like the idea of me inviting brother & wife and friends over. So to keep peace, I ran back and forth. It was tiring.

Big B's Church Performance Blurb: 
Lesson learned.  Two years in a row she has done this fundraiser.   It's just not fair to have to get up and sing sans any rehearsal with the sound equipment.

Work Blurb:
I was doing so well -- so motivated. Key word: was.  It was short lived. I am working on working.

LMNOP Choir Pecans Blurb:
I have dealt with orders for 1896 pound of pecans.  This weekend, I will actually sort/touch just about every one of those 1896 pounds.

More blurbs later!

Weekend Updates

So many unimportant things, I am not sure where to begin....

Bubba Ford

• TMan was home this weekend to celebrate his 21st birthday, which was a week before (seriously, how many people want to spend their 21st with their mom?) .  He spent most of his time (85%?) with his dads family.  That's okay though.  I understand. We are pretty boring, comparatively speaking.  (Although, it does hurt my feelings a little.)

• Bubba Ford is home!  Bubba Ford is my truck.  I have missed my truck.  I like my truck.  A lot.   I will start fussing about Bubba Ford when he needs to eat.   

•  Garden Updates!!

Broccoli finally showed up in my garden. I was beginning to wonder if the planting was a total bust, so the emergence of the little fuzzy green heads was totally exciting. It really hurt my feelings to pinch off the first bits I saw, but GG said it was necessary in order to promote more heads forming. We'll see. This also gives me hope for my cauliflower and Brussels sprouts.

My romaine lettuce is beginning to bolt.  That stinks, because I just started picking it.  I think I waited too long.  Oh well, live and learn.  I went ahead and planted more lettuces from seed -- a patch of romaine mix and a butter-crunch mix.  I hope that it is not already too cold for it to come up.  I am also seeing my green onions. I took the potato baskets out of the garden and used the last row for the spinach plants I started from seed.  The garden is officially "FULL".  Actually, since the potato baskets are now outside the garden, I guess I have moved into "containers".    :)

My herbs are also coming up nicely.  I ran into some old friends last week, and it turns out they grow and sell herb plants.  I bought a beautiful mint plant from them. He gave me some advice on growing through the winter.  I need to move some things around on my deck to take advantage of the afternoon sun for winter months. Also, I am mentally designing a make-shift "greenhouse" for when frosts come.  I could also use it for starting tomato's and other starter plants in February/March.  I think some concrete blocks, wire shelving, and heavy clear plastic will do it.   

• Work -- Great progress has been made.  Seriously.  Must.keep.going!

•  MightyMo is off again.  His week home was good for the most part, but stressful in someways.  The girls noticed more than I did, I think.  

• The older of my two brothers got married this past week.  It's his 3rd marriage, and this is the right one.  I am convinced.  (Like, I've done such a good job a predicting, in the past. HA!) I am happy about it.  There was no pomp and circumstance -- just a courthouse ceremony.  Pictures were made with an iphone, and distributed via text message. 

Shoe Donations for Soles4Souls

• BigB had an incredible October.  She was selected as her school's student of the month.  Her service project has kicked off, and the response is overwhelming.  We have to figure out what to do with about 400 - 500 pairs of shoes collected for Soles4Souls. We are discussing a possible mission trip to go with S4S to distribute.  We think it would be amazing to see the project through full circle. She made the basketball team at her school.  I am happy for her. She needed something else to do. (Another sarcastic, HA!) Some changes in other areas are forthcoming.  

• I canned applesauce and apple-butter this weekend.  IT IS SOOOO GOOD, and was really easy!  The girls helped, and enjoyed it.    I made the first batch with Splenda, the second with real sugar.  Oh my!  It is yummy!

Me thinks me needs a bigger pot!

Invested in a Food Mill.  
Good decision!

I canned about half into applesauce and made apple-
butter with about half. Here are the sauce jars.

• LMNOP Choir is having its annual fundraiser -- selling pecans!  So,  I am up to my eyeballs in pecan orders!  Uniforms are coming in.  Performances are around the corner.  EVERYTHING.HAPPENS.AT.ONCE!  (or so it seems!)  Deep breaths... one after the other.

• I greatly miss my Caprino. That is what it is, and it's blog worthy. 

The End!  Looking forward to a great week!