BLURBS: My Hole, PMS (Pre musical-event syndrome) Vent, Garden

Blurbs:  Here are my blurbs.  I have noticed that I am using this blog mainly as an outlet.  I come here to write when I am sad, angry, frustrated or otherwise having negative emotions.  It's not a fun read.  But it's healing to me.  At least for the moment.  If you've returned here and read my sad, boring, self pitying blog, you must be a special person.

Blurb:  My Hole
I am returning to my hole.  It's my own fault.  I think I have forgotten to take my med's for about a week - maybe longer.  I am not good at taking daily medications - I forget.  I cannot remember the last time I took an entire round of antibiotics.  I know this, so I have an alarm that goes off everyday that plays an obnoxious tune and displays the words "Did you take your medicine?!?!"  I have been in the middle of something everyday when the alarm goes off.  EVERY STINKING DAY.  Usually, I've been on the phone, so I've turned off the obnoxiousness, but never taken the actual meds.  It's catching up with me.  I am taking my 3 little pills (happy pill, iodine and vitamin C) RIGHT NOW.  Done.


Blurb: PMS Vent
Yeah, I have the kind of PMS your thinking about, but more pressing is the Pre Musical-event Syndrome variety.  That, added to the "regular" kind, plus not taking meds -- baaaaad combination.

This time of year, and all the last minute preparation is stressful. The end result is beautiful, and SO worth it!  That pre event stress is actually what led me to becoming so involved in the musical organization that my kids are a part of. 

But, this year.... there have been some extra things leading up to the season of music have made me on edge.   They've frustrated me, and made me angry, they've embarrassed me and made me sad.   Personal Issue:  I can't seem to let go of these things.  I keep rehashing them, because my nature is to want to fix them. A lot of this is not new, but I am coming to the realization that things won't change. It would be ok if "THINGS" would change. There is some saying out there that goes something like "The definition of stupidity is: repeating the same actions over and over and expecting a different result."  Sadly, that could also be the definition of practice.  I am tired of practicing stupidity. I am tired of working my butt off, and then being shot down by people who won't take time to think things through, keep records or plan.

Blurb: Garden
The garden has surprised me.  Things I was giving up on are finally growing FOOD.   This past weekend, I noticed that I had some cauliflower !!  Yay!  The snow peas are blooming and making fruit! Yay!  The turnips look like they might have good roots!  Yay!

Blurb:  Family and Marriage
Well, we knew the travel would be difficult.  It's harder than we expected, but for different reasons.  MightyMo being home is hard.  The girls and I get it done during the week.  It's not always pretty, or perfect or at the time of day someone else might do things, but we work together and get things done.   MightyMo being home has screwed that up, and no one likes it. He has given us all grief because we've inconvenienced him. Grief about whether there is activity in the kitchen past his self-designated bed time, he gave a 45 minute grief lecture over a bad grade without offering ONE way to address it moving forward (all on a night where we got home late, and the grade receiver had not yet started their homework or studying for that evening), he gave me grief (serious grief, not fun grief) about me my coffee cup being too big.   This has upset the girls.

The fact is that those same issues were there before the travel began.  We just didn't realize how much we were walking on eggshells.  Now we do.  I'm not sure what to do about it.  Maybe it's time to go back to the counselor.  I never did take the girls, though I said I would.

Blurb:  Work
I hate going to work.  I've been in the workforce for 30 years -- since I was 14 -- I've NEVER hated work, until the last 6 months.

Blurb:  Getting Old
I am getting old, and it stinks.  The arthritis in my hands has been a real issue the last two weeks.  My herniated disk in my neck is giving me fits, creating numbness and pain so that  I don't sleep well.  I am waking up every night with my entire right arm numb and aching.  I just called the neurologist I wish to see and could not get a direct appointment (they require a referral!).  I utilized personal avenues (I called the doctors wife!) and hopefully someone will call me back.