Too proud?

I am proud of all my children, but lately I've been so proud of my eldest daughter.

She is something else -- smart, talented, and mostly she has a huge, big, accepting, loving heart. She just seems to be good at everything she tries. Don't get me wrong - she gets mad, makes kid mistakes, is learning life lessons, and the pre-teen moodiness is getting more and more frequent, but even with all that, she is just genuinely good. I am so proud of her I could pop!

This scares the bejezus out of me. If pride is a sin, won't I be punished for feeling such bursting, heart swelling, head popping pride? No matter how many times I thank God for giving me such a daughter, I always wonder if there is not some scale that is tipped out of balance because I am so proud.

I've seen tragic news stories where some poor devastated soul is on the TV, telling the world how their child loved life, and was good to the core, a good student, a leader in church, was so sweet. Lately, I have these horrid dreams where I am that poor devastated soul. I feel like I am barely holding on to an angel.

I don't really believe in premonitions, and I don't think there is much to this except a 'normal' mothers fears, but I wonder what is at the root of it all. Maybe the fear is rooted in the fact that I can see that she is growing up, and I know that before too long she'll be experiencing the hardness of life. Maybe it is because with each milestone she reaches, with each step she takes, my ability to protect her diminishes. Maybe I fear that heart break is coming. (When one has a big heart, how much worse does it hurt when it breaks?) Maybe I fear that she'll change.

For now, I guess I'll just keep trying to keep my pride in check. (I do know people get tired of hearing me brag about my kids !) I'll remember to thank God each day for His blessing me with 3 wonderful children. I'll try to hold on to my angel for as long as she needs me. And most of all, I'll pray that when the time comes, I'll will be able to let go and let her fly on her own.