I am an open book for the most part. I will talk about just about anything to just about anybody. Most of the time I see this as a fault. I'd be much better off to keep things "close to the chest". Private. I have to work at it. I am not sure why this is, but I do wish I was a more private person.
Because I am overly open, I tend to talk a lot about things that make me happy, sad, mad, disappointed, etc. Even so, I wonder if people get the real me, because there are so many things that I don't get about myself. That is why it unnerving to have someone look in at my life and see things I don't.. Lately, people look in and tell me I could have "more". Or they tell me that I deserve "more". Not more money, not more things, not more in the physical sense. More happiness. More peace. More love. More support. More of the important stuff. Wow. When I look around, I want more, but I am not 100% sure about how to get it.
Some people have ideas about how I should to get "more". Some think I should relocate. Some think I should change jobs. Some think I should do this, or that, or the other. I am not sure what I need to do. I have some pretty strong ideas about what would make me happier. I was told this weekend, something that I believe to be true, that if you start putting things "out in the universe" about the changes that you want to make, the places you want to go, sometimes the universe responds. I call this praying and answered prayer. Some call it fate, or chance, or karma. The answers are not always the ones you want, but when you start asking for change, change happens.
I realize I am afraid of change. There are these great unknowns. There are risks. It is impossible to know if the benefits outweigh the risks, or vice-versa.
The fact is, that going on this recent trip, I see different things. I see possibilities from change. I see options to change. But, when I get back here into my routine, they look a lot fuzzier. Farther away. Less plausible.
I am not sure what the future holds for me, but I know I am ready for some changes. Scared, but ready. I'll just have to see what God has in store for me. I will tell Him I am ready. I will pray that it isn't a painful process. I will thank Him for what I have, and boldly ask for "more". Let's see where He goes with that.
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I understand. I really do. Years ago I was in my grind. I knew something needed to change. Change can be hard, but sometimes it is easier than you think. You are so right about prayer. God has a plan for you. It's better than anything you could ever imagine. Kind of exciting, huh? He has blessings stored up just for you! All you have to do is ask. That isn't any of that feel-good and prosperity christianity from the television. It's straight from the Bible. I'll be praying with you- and for you!
ReplyDeleteI understand what people are saying about you- being entitled to more. You are. :)
THANK YOU.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
Better than anything I can imagine...I have a big imagination!