2011, don't let the door hit you in the ass.

With the exception of a few highlights, I have very much disliked this year.  Maybe someday I'll be able to look back and see 2011 as a pivotal point in my life, one where I decided that I needed to do things differently, that my priorities were out of order, and that I started making changes to gain some balance in my life.  Maybe someday I can look at 2011 as one of those wonderful life-lesson cliche's, and see myself on the other side of the cliche. For example:

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials"

"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears." 

"If you are going through hell, keep going." - Sir Winston Churchill 

You see, I like these quotes.  I find them thought provoking, and they give me hope that there is something better yet to come. I hope 2012 brings it AND that I recognize it when it gets here! 

The Dark Days:  The year started with the end of my MIL's story.  She passed away in mid December of 2010, but getting through Christmas and New Years, and the first of the year was a challenge.  MightyMo had just started a new job, so we were adjusting to his adjustments, and moodiness, and changes.   And then, on the last day of January, my dad died.  Our relationship was strained, but I loved him.  The whole of December through March is just in one big blur.  I went deep, deep into my hole.  The rest of the year, right up through today,  seems to have just been an extension of that time, the way I felt, and the way I continue to feel.  

Winter Garden;  I discovered I actually enjoyed gardening.  Who would have thought?   I am now facing the dilemma that for the amount of work that went into the garden the output was not enough.  I don't think there is a one-to-one ratio.  In other words, a little more work (because of a lot more garden) would mean a LOT more to show!  I guess farmers feel this way often.   I cannot have even a little more garden in my back yard, so hmm.  I am trying to figure out how these people with small container gardens justify it. It's got to be a matter of what they plant. I have two pretty good rows of peas.  I picked peas and shelled them. Mmm. they were so good and sweet, but in the end, there were not enough for 2 people, much less 5. 

I am already thinking about the summer garden.  I've checked a couple of seed websites, since I am planning to start my own  plants this year.  I want mass production of tomatoes and squash. Maybe some of that wonderful ichabon (sp?) eggplant we liked so much.  I hope I can take the summer heat.  That is an honest concern, since I don't like being outside when it's much over 80.

Cooking/Canning:  Another new love. I enjoyed making stuff.  I made a lot to give a way, but I am now thinking in terms of pantry building. I want to be prepared for whatever is coming.   I guess I am feeling kind of like the people who built bomb shelters in the 60's.  It's out there...

Day Dreaming :  I've spent way too much of the year day dreaming.  Just while I've been typing this blog, I've drifted away to check for any updated property listings, read about how to build a farm pond, and looked up a recipe.  I think I have ADD. Seriously.

Medical Stuff:  I am back from looking up information about adult ADD.  And now I am thinking about medical stuff 2011 has brung (brought?  where art thou, oh grammar nazi!?!)  -- the physical kind, not the mental kind. I feel like 2011 has been plagued by medical stuff.  In the end, it's nothing super serious, but boy, is it draining.  Geege has had issues that have been worrisome. She is much better now, but the issues have taken their toll.  I had the boob bump of 2011.  BigB was diagnosed with the thyroid issues.  I've ended the year with this arm/shoulder thing that no one can quite seem to figure out.  The most current theory is a lymphoid system problem, (which after looking things up, makes a lot of sense).

Job stuff:  Well job stuff falls into two distinct categories.  My job, and MightyMo's job(s).  My job.  Well, I started to roll way downhill in my job back in the Dark Days. I have had one heck of time getting any momentum back.   I am trying to care -- to have a "get 'er done" attitude.  Just go do the work, and leave.  Maybe deep down I know it can never be that way, so I can't seem to get it done.  Anything distracts me.  I let everything distract me, is probably more accurate.  And then I start stressing about all I have to do, haven't done, and I don't sleep.  I dream about my to-do list. Which makes me not sleep well, so I get up in the middle of the night, and I don't sleep.  And then, during the day, I am tired, and more easily distracted, so I get further behind.  It is a vicious cycle.

Anyway, I am working on a plan to make MY job better.  Right now,I have to focus.  I have to get some of the monkey's off my back before I can make changes...

MightyMo changed jobs again this year.  After 13 years of him having one job (har-har), he's had 3 different jobs in the last 18 months. The current one, I hope, is a keeper.  He travels.  A LOT.  I like it.  The money is no where near what he needs it to be, but he hopes he can work his way up soon.  When he comes home, the world stops, and not in a good way.  We walk on egg shells.

Which brings me to marriage:  We cohabitate.  It's ok that way most of the time, and maybe someday some of the spark will return. There is an inordinate amount of miss communication.  From times and dates of who is doing what... to, well,  everything from making health insurance decisions, to the plans for Christmas day, and that is just in the last week.  I do not have this problem with another soul in the world, which makes it really hard for me to think it's me, though I realize it takes two to tango. There is anger and resentment, that admittedly goes both ways.  This is affecting everyone, especially my precious girls.  They want to see a counselor.  I am afraid they think that will fix all -- too much TV.  But they've asked, so I will take them.   There are other concerns, but this is not the time or place for that.

There have been joyous things in 2011.  Things that I would not trade --

Kids - I've seen BigB thrive -- at school, at church, at just being herself. She is a special kid.  MoJo has come into her own in many ways.  When something needs to be done, she takes care of things (better than me!) I've nick-named her "HM", which stands for High Maintenance.  It infuriates her, but she is always needing something -- some validation, some intervention, some special treatment --which makes her VERY high maintenance.  It's exhausting.  But this is the part about the good stuff! (And this, in a weird way, is some of her good stuff!)  TMan is becoming a true man, in so many ways.  He is more thoughtful, more willing to help, and more responsible than ever. He worries about me a little - a very little, probably because he's seen me through so many very tough things -- he knows I'll be okay.

Volunteer Stuff.  Have I ever mentioned that I could be a professional volunteer?  Its something I love to do.  I like lending a hand where needed, or helping a worthy cause, but I admit, I enjoy it largely for selfish reasons. It makes me feel good about myself.  It brings me joy.  It makes me feel appreciated and needed.

For the most part, my volunteer work with the LMNOP choir brings me joy.  I love the organization. I love what I've seen it do for kids where the families will embrace the demands, and not make excuses.   I am learning, however, that  I need to set limits, and that is no one's fault but mine.  That is my number one priority for 2012.  Limits.

The Billy Goat:  This has been the year of the Billy Goat.  And I am not talking about the Chinese Zodiac.  I am talking about Caprino, and what a wonderful gift she is to me -- and the world. (Seriously!) She's probably going to save the world by playing a piano concerto at a meeting of NATO, or something. And after that, she'll make her speech about the power of opera, and sing a self composed aria about world peace.  And cows.  And the world shall be saved.  The end.  I can see it happening.   She is that special.

Spiritual Growth:  I've done a better job spiritually this year.  I feel the pull to do so much more.  I am watching for something that will give me some direction. I've turned to the Lord with all of the things that have made 2011 rough, and my prayers have been addressed (answered is not the right word!).  I've also have done a better job  remembering  to say thank you.  I am truly blessed. I feel like I am moving beyond the idea of being a Christian, more toward that personal relationship with Jesus I've heard so much about.  I've been both envious and doubtful of people who've sad they had this relationship.  I've even wondered if it was sort of like having an imaginary friend -- you know, because the kid with an imaginary friend believes and accepts that friend, even when those around them don't.  Do I have the faith of a child?  Anyway,  I think I am finally beginning to understand. 

So, these are my thoughts for sending out 2011.   I hope to blog again in the next few days about what I can and will do to realize my hopes and dreams for 2012. My dream for 2012 is simple:  I want joy.   I want to wake up each day and be happy that the day has begun. I don't want to dread a single day.   I want to be happy to be with the people in my life, and to love, and feel loved.  I want to do for others, and while its not THAT important, I'd like some occasional validation. (I do get that from some people -- more than I deserve!)  I guess my goal for 2012 is to figure out the combination of circumstance that really makes me happy, and figure out a way cocoon myself in happiness.

So, I leave you, my dear 3 readers,  with this thought from a fortune cookie.  It is glued to the corner of my computer screen on my desk at work, and has been for a long time. It's time to stop looking at it, and start living it!

Also, maybe it would be a good idea to get a lottery ticket. :)

pre-Christmas blo

 Note:  This blog was never finished and posted.  Obviously, it is a pre-Christmas blog. It is now post Christmas, and the blog is still not finished, but I am posting it anyway.

------------------

It's that time of year.  Merry Chickin' Lickin' Christmas. I am more tired (tireder?) than I can remember in a long, long time. In fact, the last two times I remember being this tired was on  my trip to Europe ( day 1: a day of sightseeing after 24 hours of travel, and the day we arrived back in the states, after 30 hours of travel.) and my trip to NYC.  This morning, I was (seriously!) concerned about falling asleep at red lights on the way to work.  I am ok while moving, its that moment of lull that does me in.

Some of the tired is good -- Loving having TMan home, especially while MightyMO is out of town.  That sounds horrible, but they don't get along at all, and the tension is always thick when they are with in a few miles of each other.   It's nice to have TMan around without the stress. This is the first time I can remember that happening in a LONG, LONG, LONG time.

I've worked (ha!) during the day, and then handled a few after school activities, worked on my homemade gifts, prepared baskets for said gifts and other general domestic activities.   I've had many late nights, some due to activiteis, and some self inflicted, and some because I couldn't sleep.  It's all catching up with me.

I am frustrated AGAIN with Mojo's School.  Even the Geege has said she thinks its time to pull the plug -- midyear.  Yes, midyear..  Mom also told me that SHE WILL MANAGE THE HOMESCHOOLING for the 2nd half of the academic year.  Wow.


This week is the last week of school before Christmas break.  Mojo's teacher has apparently decided that there is so much of "everything else" this week, she is postponing all academics until they return from Christmas break.  No class work, no homework for the entire week. They will work on their Christmas programs.  They will have "reading" time.  They will watch movies and "play".  I am PAYING for this. The note that was sent home explaining this had a misspelled word in it, and some grammatical errors that would make the Grammar Nazi start screaming.  The last time she sent home a piece of paper with a Bible verse for the kids had to copy three times for homework, SHE had copied from the Bible incorrectly.  This was not the first time.  (And for the record, why are 5th graders not looking up the verse themselves, in the Bible that is a required part of their school supplies?!?!)

BLURBS: My Hole, PMS (Pre musical-event syndrome) Vent, Garden

Blurbs:  Here are my blurbs.  I have noticed that I am using this blog mainly as an outlet.  I come here to write when I am sad, angry, frustrated or otherwise having negative emotions.  It's not a fun read.  But it's healing to me.  At least for the moment.  If you've returned here and read my sad, boring, self pitying blog, you must be a special person.

Blurb:  My Hole
I am returning to my hole.  It's my own fault.  I think I have forgotten to take my med's for about a week - maybe longer.  I am not good at taking daily medications - I forget.  I cannot remember the last time I took an entire round of antibiotics.  I know this, so I have an alarm that goes off everyday that plays an obnoxious tune and displays the words "Did you take your medicine?!?!"  I have been in the middle of something everyday when the alarm goes off.  EVERY STINKING DAY.  Usually, I've been on the phone, so I've turned off the obnoxiousness, but never taken the actual meds.  It's catching up with me.  I am taking my 3 little pills (happy pill, iodine and vitamin C) RIGHT NOW.  Done.


Blurb: PMS Vent
Yeah, I have the kind of PMS your thinking about, but more pressing is the Pre Musical-event Syndrome variety.  That, added to the "regular" kind, plus not taking meds -- baaaaad combination.

This time of year, and all the last minute preparation is stressful. The end result is beautiful, and SO worth it!  That pre event stress is actually what led me to becoming so involved in the musical organization that my kids are a part of. 

But, this year.... there have been some extra things leading up to the season of music have made me on edge.   They've frustrated me, and made me angry, they've embarrassed me and made me sad.   Personal Issue:  I can't seem to let go of these things.  I keep rehashing them, because my nature is to want to fix them. A lot of this is not new, but I am coming to the realization that things won't change. It would be ok if "THINGS" would change. There is some saying out there that goes something like "The definition of stupidity is: repeating the same actions over and over and expecting a different result."  Sadly, that could also be the definition of practice.  I am tired of practicing stupidity. I am tired of working my butt off, and then being shot down by people who won't take time to think things through, keep records or plan.

Blurb: Garden
The garden has surprised me.  Things I was giving up on are finally growing FOOD.   This past weekend, I noticed that I had some cauliflower !!  Yay!  The snow peas are blooming and making fruit! Yay!  The turnips look like they might have good roots!  Yay!

Blurb:  Family and Marriage
Well, we knew the travel would be difficult.  It's harder than we expected, but for different reasons.  MightyMo being home is hard.  The girls and I get it done during the week.  It's not always pretty, or perfect or at the time of day someone else might do things, but we work together and get things done.   MightyMo being home has screwed that up, and no one likes it. He has given us all grief because we've inconvenienced him. Grief about whether there is activity in the kitchen past his self-designated bed time, he gave a 45 minute grief lecture over a bad grade without offering ONE way to address it moving forward (all on a night where we got home late, and the grade receiver had not yet started their homework or studying for that evening), he gave me grief (serious grief, not fun grief) about me my coffee cup being too big.   This has upset the girls.

The fact is that those same issues were there before the travel began.  We just didn't realize how much we were walking on eggshells.  Now we do.  I'm not sure what to do about it.  Maybe it's time to go back to the counselor.  I never did take the girls, though I said I would.

Blurb:  Work
I hate going to work.  I've been in the workforce for 30 years -- since I was 14 -- I've NEVER hated work, until the last 6 months.

Blurb:  Getting Old
I am getting old, and it stinks.  The arthritis in my hands has been a real issue the last two weeks.  My herniated disk in my neck is giving me fits, creating numbness and pain so that  I don't sleep well.  I am waking up every night with my entire right arm numb and aching.  I just called the neurologist I wish to see and could not get a direct appointment (they require a referral!).  I utilized personal avenues (I called the doctors wife!) and hopefully someone will call me back.

I'm MELTING....

Help! I'm melting! Everyone can see it!  Things are coming apart at the seams, and I may not be able to hold it together.  I am spread too thin, and I am not doing a good job at anything.

It's the time of year.  Stress.  There are more things to do than there are hours in the day.  What I choose to do to relax, or take time for me,  is like punishment, because I am not doing things that I need to do.

It's this time of year when I am always facing making a gut wrenching choice:  Do I disappoint/shortchange, a couple of people, who I know will love me anyway, or, do I disappoint bunches of people, by letting things fall apart?   I feel like I am melting, when really, really, what I want to do is what I learned REALLY happened to the Wicked Witch (who, as it turns out, wasn't wicked at all); let everyone think I've melted, and then disappear.
 
OK. That is not true either.  But I am feeling the need to run for cover. 

The funny thing is, sometime shortly after the most recent pre-teen hissy fit about the amount of time I was NOT spending with them, I told my girls that I was thinking it was time to step back, and make some changes, and give up some time killing extra-curricular activities that I have.  They were aghast. Where I thought I'd get three cheers, I got a resounding "Noooo!".  I was shocked.

I asked them why, and they said that the knew I loved these things, and that they liked me being involved.  They felt proud when someone would ask "Is that your mom?".  Ok. Wow.

But the fact is, I may have reached my limits.  Not just in time, but limits in my ability to do good.  I am a good doer.  I've done a lot.  I do a lot.  I am not doing a good job in leading.  A good leader would not be DOING as much as I am. A good leader would be having it done.

I feel a little better writing this down. Not sure why, but I guess it's because I have compiled my thoughts.

Blurb-o-rama!

I have wanted to blurb for days, but things keep coming up, and I haven't gotten around to it.  Since my memory has as many holes in as my kitchen colander, I've probably forgotten most of the things, but here goes BLURB-O-RAMA!

Weddings, Brothers and Sister-in-laws:  
Both of my brothers have gotten married within the last 6 weeks.  Since most of my friends and acquaintances don't know either of them, this is sometimes a bit complicated when I talk about the brothers, and their new brides. Anyway, the older of my two brothers and his new wife were in town this weekend.  I always enjoy them.   They got to hear/see the LMNOP Choir perform, the first time either of them had heard them live.

LMNOP and Performance:
I was super impressed with the choir at their performance this past Saturday! Super!   I love the choir.
I am also getting frustrated, I have probably run my mouth too much about my frustrations.  I cannot quite put my finger on my frustrations, but they are real, and they are there.

Garden Blurb:
Most of the garden is looking good.  I cant figure out why some things have just stopped.  I am waiting for more broccoli.  I know I've said it before, but I am enjoying this more than I could have imagined!

Pear Butter Blurb:
I made pear butter this weekend.  It is the bomb!  The bomb!  I went a little nuts and bought a bunch more pears. I was going to make more pear butter, but MightyMo asked me to find a recipe for pear preserves like his grandmother used to make.  (A sign of his 'approval' of the stuff I've been making.)   I am searching. I also will be doing more with apples. (see next blurb!)

Canning Equipment and Amazon Blurb: 
I went a little crazy with my Amazon shopping.  I bought a pressure canner -- a 23 quart!  WooHoo! It should come on the "big brown truck of joy" tomorrow.   I  have no idea what I am going to can in it yet, but I will find something.  I sure didn't want to have the perfect thing to can, only to not have the equipment! ;o
I also bought an apple peeler, some clear-jel, labels for jars that I can personalize. I'm set.

Balancing Act Blurb:
As I somewhat suspected, MightyMo's weekend home weekend required balance. We had Brother & Wife in town, a major football game matchup on TV, and Mighty Mo, all vying for the same limited time slots.  MightyMo wanted us home.  He did not like the idea of me inviting brother & wife and friends over. So to keep peace, I ran back and forth. It was tiring.

Big B's Church Performance Blurb: 
Lesson learned.  Two years in a row she has done this fundraiser.   It's just not fair to have to get up and sing sans any rehearsal with the sound equipment.

Work Blurb:
I was doing so well -- so motivated. Key word: was.  It was short lived. I am working on working.

LMNOP Choir Pecans Blurb:
I have dealt with orders for 1896 pound of pecans.  This weekend, I will actually sort/touch just about every one of those 1896 pounds.

More blurbs later!

Weekend Updates

So many unimportant things, I am not sure where to begin....

Bubba Ford

• TMan was home this weekend to celebrate his 21st birthday, which was a week before (seriously, how many people want to spend their 21st with their mom?) .  He spent most of his time (85%?) with his dads family.  That's okay though.  I understand. We are pretty boring, comparatively speaking.  (Although, it does hurt my feelings a little.)

• Bubba Ford is home!  Bubba Ford is my truck.  I have missed my truck.  I like my truck.  A lot.   I will start fussing about Bubba Ford when he needs to eat.   

•  Garden Updates!!

Broccoli finally showed up in my garden. I was beginning to wonder if the planting was a total bust, so the emergence of the little fuzzy green heads was totally exciting. It really hurt my feelings to pinch off the first bits I saw, but GG said it was necessary in order to promote more heads forming. We'll see. This also gives me hope for my cauliflower and Brussels sprouts.

My romaine lettuce is beginning to bolt.  That stinks, because I just started picking it.  I think I waited too long.  Oh well, live and learn.  I went ahead and planted more lettuces from seed -- a patch of romaine mix and a butter-crunch mix.  I hope that it is not already too cold for it to come up.  I am also seeing my green onions. I took the potato baskets out of the garden and used the last row for the spinach plants I started from seed.  The garden is officially "FULL".  Actually, since the potato baskets are now outside the garden, I guess I have moved into "containers".    :)

My herbs are also coming up nicely.  I ran into some old friends last week, and it turns out they grow and sell herb plants.  I bought a beautiful mint plant from them. He gave me some advice on growing through the winter.  I need to move some things around on my deck to take advantage of the afternoon sun for winter months. Also, I am mentally designing a make-shift "greenhouse" for when frosts come.  I could also use it for starting tomato's and other starter plants in February/March.  I think some concrete blocks, wire shelving, and heavy clear plastic will do it.   

• Work -- Great progress has been made.  Seriously.  Must.keep.going!

•  MightyMo is off again.  His week home was good for the most part, but stressful in someways.  The girls noticed more than I did, I think.  

• The older of my two brothers got married this past week.  It's his 3rd marriage, and this is the right one.  I am convinced.  (Like, I've done such a good job a predicting, in the past. HA!) I am happy about it.  There was no pomp and circumstance -- just a courthouse ceremony.  Pictures were made with an iphone, and distributed via text message. 

Shoe Donations for Soles4Souls

• BigB had an incredible October.  She was selected as her school's student of the month.  Her service project has kicked off, and the response is overwhelming.  We have to figure out what to do with about 400 - 500 pairs of shoes collected for Soles4Souls. We are discussing a possible mission trip to go with S4S to distribute.  We think it would be amazing to see the project through full circle. She made the basketball team at her school.  I am happy for her. She needed something else to do. (Another sarcastic, HA!) Some changes in other areas are forthcoming.  

• I canned applesauce and apple-butter this weekend.  IT IS SOOOO GOOD, and was really easy!  The girls helped, and enjoyed it.    I made the first batch with Splenda, the second with real sugar.  Oh my!  It is yummy!

Me thinks me needs a bigger pot!

Invested in a Food Mill.  
Good decision!

I canned about half into applesauce and made apple-
butter with about half. Here are the sauce jars.

• LMNOP Choir is having its annual fundraiser -- selling pecans!  So,  I am up to my eyeballs in pecan orders!  Uniforms are coming in.  Performances are around the corner.  EVERYTHING.HAPPENS.AT.ONCE!  (or so it seems!)  Deep breaths... one after the other.

• I greatly miss my Caprino. That is what it is, and it's blog worthy. 

The End!  Looking forward to a great week!

I slipped.... And more ramblings

The thing about major changes is that they impact lots of people.   Sometimes it's a very direct impact, like with your family, and sometimes the impact is much less direct.


I have  things on my mind -- big changes I want to make, and I've shared those ideas with a few select people.  The thing is, I am a diplomat, empathetic to the point that it makes me crazy sometimes.  Because of this, I  wish to be VERY careful about the timing and way in which I share my desire to make big changes that will impact others.  One thing is for sure:  Facebook is not the way to do that.  I slipped and made a casual comment on FB.  It made me loose sleep and question whether I should delete it, let it lie, or or what.  I decided that I will let it lie.

I need to refine my plan for the big plan.  Break it down into smaller pieces, so that I can start ticking away at it.  I am finding this hard to do.


I do know that step one is that I have to prioritize work.  I've got to focus and stop daydreaming during the day and get my work life in order.  I really cannot even think about moving forward until I look back and take care of some messes I have out there.  Time frame: if I got REALLY serious, 8-10 weeks.  Theoretically, I could be completely caught up by January 1.

Another part of the plan is a financial plan.  This is a little more difficult, and is many faceted.  It's also the part I have to be able to sell to get MightyMo on board.  I am very much a "if it feels right, it will work, God will look out for us" person.  I can make major decisions based on a combination of  faith, information, and planning. Faith is first, and God has not let me down yet. MightyMo makes decisions on information, planning and faith. And when all the planning and information doesn't pan out, faith has seen him through.

I am not very patient about some things.  (Most things.) I have instant gratification syndrome, and this part of planning is no exception.  I want to be able to have everything happen now.  But the reality is, there is lots to be done.  I have a house to update; it  needs major maintenance to (roof, flooring).  Also, I know, because of 17 years in real estate, to get a quick sale, things have to be right. The price has to be right, and the house has to be staged perfectly.  For my family, these things happening while we are living in the house is somewhere between completely insane and impossible.  We need to get out, fix, stage and sell, and have a back up plan in the event things don't pan out.  I have faith that it will work out.  The question is: where to go.  I'd love to find a "lease-purchase" arrangement that would allow me to get a jump start on my big plan. 

That is all on the "personal" side.  There is a whole separate list of things on the "business" side. Somehow, I think this list is easier, but in reality, it probably isn't. Then, I have the complication of constructing a plan that involves real estate, when I have family in real estate whom I am not ready to involve, but ultimately will not understand if they are not the ones to handle real estate transactions. I don't wish to "use" anyone else,  knowing that I have that issue.

Another thing that hit me like a ton of bricks is that I am within 3 months of needing to make decisions about schooling, particularly for Mojo, for next year. I can postpone the decisions, but there is a financial cost to (in the form of registration fees) to keeping options open. I am torn:  Home school or Magnet School.  This also plays into the "where to go" issue, because if I move out of the county, the magnet school option disappears, and then I have decisions to make about BigB, too.


I've sat here and typed myself into near hysteria at the overwhelmingness of it all. And I know, I've only scratched the surface.  I could go start on step one, but I have issues about attacking step one, without knowing what step two is.  I need the motivation of step 2.

I think I will go hyperventilate now. 

The Blah Blog

I am blah.

The end.

No, actually, I'll add a little more.  For my faithful readers, I want to remind you that this blog is my vent.  It's my creative outlet, and it's my release.  I have no intention of sharing anything important here.  It's just me, getting out whatever is on my mind.  If you wish to have facts, figures or other meaninful information, I direct you www.wikipedia.com.

So, today, I feel BLAH.  I have been very fortunate for the past few years.  My 4 herniated discs (2 in the lumbar area, and two in my neck) have not bothered me much at all.  Recently, though, I have been having numbness and pain from my right shoulder, all the way down my arm. The fingers, especially my thumb, pointer and middle finger, all get the pins and needles sensation.  My arm, mainly the upper arm and shoulder, aches.  It's not much of an issue during the day, but the pain is waking me up at night. Repeatedly. My neurologist told me a few years back that this was actually coming from the bad discs in my neck, and that when it started interfering with daily life, it'd be time for surgery.

Last night I took a proactive Tylenol 3 before I went to bed. I did not want the pain to start.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but today, I feel pretty rotten about taking it.  But the fact is, that once the pain gets started, medication doesn't seem to knock it out so I can go back to sleep.  The only thing that does is getting up out of bed, and that means I am not sleeping. It's a catch 22.

Today's blah is a combination of not sleeping, plus the lingering effects of the codeine.  It stinks. I feel like I am dragging concrete blocks.  On top of that, my shoulder STILL hurts. 

Time to schedule a doctors appointment. 

Blah.

Another Update: Big B, Mighty Mo, "Shots Fired", Garden, and a few other things.

This is an exciting week for BigB. Many interesting things happening....

Here is a confession.  I pushed B into voice lessons.  She didn't really want to start them, and I encouraged her to try it for the summer.  She's grown, vocally.  She's still not clamoring to practice, but she knows she's learned a lot.  She loves the lessons; she does not love practicing. This is not a case of the "new" wearing off, it has pretty much been that way since day one.  I think it would be easier if I could help at all, but I cannot. She gets to a stumbling block, and it can become a wall.  There is no one to help her move through, around or over it.  I don't know "HOW" something is supposed to sound. I can't look at the music and help with things at all.  She's gone to YouTube a few times to help answer a question bye example, and couple of times, it's helped.  And a couple of times, the example has been wrong, or inconsistent with what she was supposed to do.

She has been asking to stop the lessons, reminding me that she did what I asked of her.  I have had to begrudgingly agree, and have asked her to give it just a little more time AND to give it her 100% best, with practice and focus, at least for a few more weeks.  I  have been hoping for a turn in the tide....

Then, when practicing this past weekend MAYBE something changed.  She loved the song. She had fun with it. She felt GOOD about it.  She went to her lesson with it a little different attitude.  It was one of those times she had gone to YouTube, and as it turns out, it was one of those times when maybe she picked the wrong example. I'm not sure how she felt about it coming out her lesson, but she was obviously depressed. Ho hum.


Her church service project, collecting shoes for Soles4Souls,  is coming together.  She's gotten permission from Phillips Prep and Knollwood to collect shoes at both locations.  She's written her speech, and refined it with her youth pastor.  She's got the collection boxes.  Now it's go time.  One day soon, the principal is going to say today is the day, and she'll make her speech over the intercom system to the school.  She'll turn in her speech to Knollwood, and they'll print it in the weekly newsletter.  This Sunday, the youth pastor at our church will introduce her and her project during the services.  Whew.

Monday, she found out she had been selected as the Phillips Prep student of the month. Her being recognized in this way is a parents dream. (Pats self on back!)  It's an "all around" award, looking at academics, sports, extracurricular, general attitude and demeanor, and more. The recipients are selected by the teachers in a two part process -- nominations and voting.  Yesterday we got to go have lunch at the Admiral Semmes Hotel, and she received her plaque.  Very nice!   (My mantra about the girls being well rounded, no matter what, is paying off!)

She has basketball tryouts beginning Monday, and a piano competition coming up on November 5, and then she is singing at the church spaghetti dinner and silent auction on the 6th. She is a busy child...

MightyMo (MM)  is off on week 3 of  his new job adventure.  This week has been much  harder for him.  He is far away, in a suburb of  Los Angles, CA, in a different time zone, and working 12 hour shifts.  Due to the 3 hour time difference, when we get up in the morning, he's still sleeping, and by the time he gets off work at night, and back to his hotel, we are in bed.  The end result, we are not talking much this week.   On top of that, he is assigned to the "Behavioral Unit" in the hospital he's in.  HA!  He is locked in when he gets there, has to have a security guard escort him in and out for breaks, and has to lock up the computers he works on if he is going to leave them, even for a few minutes. He is home next week, and then his next assignment is at a prison hospital in OK. 

I did talk to MM on Monday during the day.  We found out there were "shots fired" at one of our rental houses.  A neighbor called, and then the tenant called.  The story is that someone tried to break in, and when they couldn't get the door open, they fired shots.  My first question was did they shoot the door?  (Seems like a logical question to me!)  MM didn't know, and wasn't worried about that.  (HUH?)  We are letting the tenant break the lease, because she is scared.  OK.  My cynical nature is coming out here... buy I am thinking the whole thing was staged to get out of the lease.  She is behind on her rent,  not to far, but a little. Thieves typically try to be sneaky, ie NOT draw attention to themselves by making noise that makes the neighbors and police come running.  Why in the world would they fire gun shots into the air?  Who knows.  Anyway, empty rental houses are a bit of a pain when MM is around.  I am guessing it will be somewhere close to excruciating when he is NOT around. :/


My garden seems to have just stopped.  Nothing is happening.  No veggies. Everything looks healthy. I am going to fertilize again this weekend .  Maybe a few vitamins and minerals will help.

The GG has hit a major turning point. She is much better. She has not had any pain medications for a while and she's even done a few "Geegeeish" things.  She mowed her yard. (biggy!)  I am so pleased!  The last 10 days have been great! 

That is it for now.  I am off to a gathering of the ladies I did weight watchers with.  We are going to meet to motivate. (Might be a little late, since I've gained back all but about 4 or 5 pounds of what I lost.)  I was going to try the 2 week Atkins induction, hut the thought of no bread, rice, pasta, or potatoes hurts.

Blurb: Funny Memories

Today, I got to spend a little quality time with Mojo.  She is something else!  And I need to come up with a new name for her.  Mojo is just not working out.... but that isn't what this blurb is about.

Somehow in the conversation today, we talked about the fact that ALL children manage to swallow a coin, and that most, if not all, get some object stuck in some cranny in their head.  We had a chuckle as I remembered the orifice plugging adventures...

BigB was about 4.   Her friend, Natalie, had given her a golden princess crown, adorned with lovely pink heart shaped crystal jewels.  B loved  that crown.  On this particular night, I have no idea where the crown was, but apparently the largest, pinkest heart shaped crystal had come unglued right from the front and center the crown, and BigB was absentmindedly playing with it while watching TV.  The next thing I know she says:

"Momma, I can't get it out of my nose."
"You can't get WHAT out of your nose?"
"My heart. "  

Now, just imagine the dumbfounded looks on parents faces...

Of course, we proceeded to look in the childs nose, and figure out what was in there, and begin a "discussion" about getting it out.  I think MightyMo suggested needle nose pliers, and I was yelling that there was no way on God's green earth....  Well, you can just imagine.

In the end, it was my calm and rational thinking (ha!) that saved the day.  I had B take a deep breath through her mouth, and blow her nose while I held the other nostril closed.  The next thing you know, I was holding a glittering, heart shaped, pink boogy.      Which went immediately in the garbage.  

B continued to play princess with that crown, with the missing jewel, and every time she did, I laughed at the thought  of the glittering, heart shaped, pink booger.

Mojo suffered from ear infections as a young child.  Eventually she got to the point that she didn't t run a fever or complain that her hears hurt. but sometimes she would tell us that she could hear gurgling inside her ears.  That became the tell tale sign.  I assume that gurgling is what prompted her to put toilet paper in her ear canal. I guess she was planning to DRY out her ear.

She came to me one day and said that she couldn't get all the toilet paper out of her ear.   HUH?  And so began her adventure.  I got what I could, and even got the tweezers out, but it was WAY down there.  I called the pediatrician and scheduled an appointment. The pediatrician got some out, but said nope -- it was too far down there and scheduled a same day appointment with the ENT.    The removal of the toilet paper ended up happening under a microscope with the aspiration machine, which , by the way, also removed the gurgle via the ear tube.

Anyway, we had a good laugh over these stories, so I thought I'd share.  :)

Blurb: Procrastination ... it's making me wait.

Everyone join in and sing along!  The tune is the 'Anticipation" from the seventies. Carley Simon is one of my favorites from the day.  I also remember a Heinz Ketchup Commercial, and to this day, some 35 years later,  every time I use a glass ketchup bottle at a restaurant, the commercial and the song pops into my head.  Marketing Genius.

Anyway... back to my blurb:  I do it EVERY year.  I wait till the last possible minute. I procrastinate, and then I scramble.   Tax Returns. Blah.

As the money person for the family, tax returns fall to me.  I report to MightyMo what is on them, whether we need to send money, get money back, or break even.  It's never pleasant.  I have very legitimate reasons for not making the April 15 deadline.  We simply do not have all of our information by then, so for as long as Mark and I have been married, I've filed an extension. Used to be the "automatic" extension was only four months, until August 15th.  If you were desperate (and I was once), you could apply for an extra 2 months.  Now, the automatic extension is six months, and there is no extra time, regardless of your circumstances.  When my time comes, please don't let it be in October, because I'll have to do tax returns from my casket. I am imagining the internet connection isn't great 6 feet under. 

So this weekend, I must disappear into the abyss of  W2's, 1098's, 1099's, charitable donations, and bank statements, and get all the data converted into the governmentally approved format.   I , must think about depreciation, and capital gains, and losses, educational expenses.

So, thank you for allowing me this final moment of procrastination.  Since the 15th is on Saturday, the returns must be postmarked by Monday. 

While you anxiously await my return to the Toliet Water, please enjoy Carley Simon and the fact that she is anticipating... not procrastinating.

Blurb: Wallets and Purses

I have recently purchased a new wallet.  It freaks me out a bit, because I call it a wallet, but someone else may call it a purse. It has a wrist strap.  It is large.  It has many cubby holes, and places for my cards, checkbook and license and my Chill Frequent Visitor Card.  I actually have some empty holder spaces.   They do seem to have forgotten that little flap of plastic to put between duplicate checks.    My fancy new wallet was on clearance at Target for $6.48.

I have painstakingly gone through everything in the two wallets I was using.  (don't ask -- it's not worth the explanation.)  I have looked at each piece of paper, I have shredded old cards, I've consolidated and combined and whittled away at the wallet clutter.  It's much improved.

I had not one,  but 5 (F-I-V-E) Visa gift cards in my purse. FIVE!  I promise, I have not forgotten to use them.  Each of them probably has a balance of $0.12 on it, and all pooled together, I couldn't get a $.50 cup of coffee.   Nonetheless, I decided it would be worthwhile to check the balance on each of them, so I  flipped them over to get the phone number or website and instructions for checking the balance.  I ran into a problem.  I can't read the text.  Not with my glasses on.  Not with them off. Not with my back-up reading glasses. I need an honest to goodness magnifying glass.

Anyway, I also have a new purse.  I have decided I really, really like these KAVU purses. They are NOT on clearance at Target for $6.48.  I've also sold my girls on the redeeming qualities of these bags, the main one is the single adjustable strap on most of the styles. It gets long, and my very tall BigB can carry on "cross-body" style without it acting like a pushup bra.  It sits comfortably at her hips.  The number of things she needs to carry on a daily basis out grew her first KAVU, so now she has a new one, same style as mine.   MOjo was feeling left out, and I found myself continually fussing at her for not carrying a purse, so today, she got her first KAVU.  We are all stylin' now.  (It's lucky I had a full jar of peanut butter in the pantry, and an abundance of eggs in the fridge. )

Blurb: Brussels Sprouts

I have figured out that I've been mispronouncing "Brussels Sprouts" my entire life.  I was calling them "Brussel Sprouts".  Somehow you loose one of the "s" sounds when they are back to back like that.

I am a rare bird, I know, because I like Brussels Sprouts.  I like 'em with salt, pepper and butter sauce.  Mmm.  I planted some in my garden, with NO clue what happens when they grow.  I've been watching for signs of the fruit, and nothing is showing up.  Last night, I once again resorted to Google and YouTube and researched the "life cycle of  Brussels Sprouts" (this is also how I figured out I was pronouncing it wrong.  When I typed "Brussel", Google kindly asked me did I mean "Brussels".).  

Let me tell you, they are weird looking. They look like those homemade pine cone Christmas Trees, except green.  As it turns out, the sprouts grow right off the main stem.  I am not sure about harvesting a few at a time, or I have to take out a whole plant.  I suspect only MightyMo and I will eat them, so a few at a time would be best, but if a bunch come at once, I can freeze them.  I could share with friends and neighbors, but now that someone has suggested that my garden might be arsenic laced from my aged railroad ties, I am a little wary of being blamed if someone happened to get sick, or was knocked off.  Who knew there was enough drama in gardening to for it to be the basis of a murder mystery?  Or better yet, an opera! 

Not MY Brussels Sprouts

And now, for your enjoyment,  I bring you an excerpt from the aria:  Cavoletti di Bruxelles, composto da Tishmeister.   (Sheet music available soon.  Until then, use  your imagination. )

 Il mio vero amore, mangiare questi cavoletti di Bruxelles, mangiare quattro hudred di loro tutti i giorni.

Blurb: Romaine

This is my official blurb:  I had a salad with Romaine from my winter garden!  Very good, and very satisfying!  I actually resorted to YouTube, trying to figure out the when and how to harvest.  I decided on cutting the outside leaves, and leaving the hearts .  If I understood correctly, the lettuce keeps growing when you harvest this way.

I really have so much to learn.

Recounting a good weekend.

All afternoon, things have been happening, and I've been thinking "I need to blog about this".  Now, I am sitting here with this empty white box in front of my, and it has acted like a vortex (as if I know what a vortex is), and sucked my thoughts right out of my head.  Sigh.

The weekend started out great.  I spent Friday afternoon driving around, thinking and day dreaming.  I saw Billy Goat, and the Kid.  I also got to meed Grandma & Grandpa Goat.  They seemed quite nice, but I was a little afraid they thought I was lurking around, and a danger to the grand-goats.  (This goat thing may be going too far.)   I stopped in at Lowe's and picked up a few things, including some spinach plants.  

Saturday, I spent the morning and early afternoon in the garden. I NEVER thought I'd enjoy this as much as I am.  I started out thinning the turnips.  I forgot this step, and it probably should have been done 2 weeks ago.  I've probably stunted their growth.  Next, I planted the spinach plants from Lowe's.  My attempt at direct sewing the seeds failed, and so I've started plants in trays.  They are JUST sprouting. I smile every time I see a new little green sprig.  I actually caught my self talking to them.    Anyway, I want to make sure I have spinach, so I bought the 16 plants.  I'll add my 48 additional plants in a couple of weeks.  I weeded the sweet peas, and I also planted some green onion seeds.   It may be to late for the onions, but we'll see.    I bought onion and garlic bulbs to plant for next spring, and then realized I had no where left to plant them.  So, in the end, I've decided the garden is too small.  I may be building a raised planter next weekend.

I also planted daffodil bulbs.  I love daffodils.  I guess, it would qualify as one of my favorite flowers.  I cannot see or think of a daffodil without thinking of my Nanna.  She had a field beside her house where she had planted rows and rows of daffodils.  I grew up playing that field, and in the spring, I would pick daffodils until I couldn't carry anymore.  No matter how many I picked, she always found vases for me to put them in, and we displayed them around the house.

The rest of the day was spent on exciting stuff like laundry and eating.  Mojo spent the night with a friend, and Big B and I watched Titanic.  I started feeling really achy and got chills and was running a fever.  I just knew I was getting sick.  I feel asleep during the movie, and I guess BigB pretty much tucked me in.

Sunday morning I woke up feeling much better. We made it to 9:15 the church service.  The sermon series is about God's Will the reconciliation of free will with God's will.  It's a deep topic. And it hit home, on many levels.

After church, Bentley and I sent MightyMo off on week two of his travel.  We were all OK with things, and it was a little easier on everyone, knowing what to expect.  The fact is that last week didn't progress that much differently than when MightyMo was home. I added taking the garbage out twice a week and walking the dog to my daily to do list.  And, quite frankly, that is really all I can say I noticed.  The girls probably spent more time with MightyMo on Skype than they would have spent with him had he been home.

After a trip to the grocery store, and checking in on Mojo, BigB and I picked the first lettuce from my garden!  Yay!  I  picked some outer leaves from the romaine and iceberg, washed it, and cut it up.  For dinner, I had a sandwich with my romaine lettuce, and a salad from the same.  It was good!

After picking the lettuce, I headed to my moms. (I took her enough for a single serving salad.)  I had called her and asked if she had some things on her "to-do" list I could help with this afternoon.  Whatever this thing is that has a hold of her is really taking its toll.  Her strength is completely zapped.  Her pain comes and goes.  I wish we could get to the bottom of it... Anyway, I helped mom by cleaning the pool. It had not been done for a couple of weeks, and will need to be done once or twice more before we can cover it for the winter.  Right now, I think that is easier than taking it down.  She says she's letting it go next year...

AH HA -- I just remembered one of the things I wanted to include in my blog.  It's a story about my family that I heard for the first time today.   My great aunt on my moms side, Lorraine Shelton, passed away this weekend.  She was quite the character.  Her daughter, Janice, and my mom were comrades in arms in their youth, getting into all manner of hoopla.  She refereed. An aunt from the OTHER (dads) side of my family called to make sure we knew of her passing.  While we were on the phone she told me how my Aunt Lorraine's sister, Margret, had lived with my paternal grandparents when she was in high school.  Lorraine and Margret's father could not get Margret into town to the high school for school everyday, so he worked a deal with my grandfather that Margret could board with them during the week in exchange for babysitting a couple of nights a week, so Margret took care of my dad and my aunts.  Hearing stories like this reminds me why I like small towns.

I got the pool cleaned, while BigB studied for one of her FOUR tests tomorrow. She has make up work due to being out sick last week, and EQTs start tomorrow.   I took her to church and went back to moms and helped with a couple of other little things.  I got a phone call from BigB, while she was at church.  This is a phone call that was a first for me:  "Mom, this lady found two kittens under the dumpster at church! Can I bring one home and keep it? "  It just breaks my heart.  Because BigB loves loves loves animals so much, and because, I'd really like to have an outside cat, to keep the creatures that come into the yard from the woods at bay.  When I get my barn, I will have a barn cat.  Yes, I will.

Oh, I made the mistake of giving my dog a rawhide bone.  She is worthless and in another dimension now.  She has become a possessed bi-polar dog, and cannot be bribed with treats, or walks on the leash or even a car ride.  She stayed in one spot, huddled over her bone,  and would not move.  I couldn't get her to go outside.  I may have to borrow an armor suit, and take it away.

That is how my weekend went.  I wish it wasn't over yet.  I need about 3 more days!

Ending September

I am reviewing some of my more recent posts.  I have to specify that I am looking at the 'more' recent posts, because, after all, none of them are particularly recent.  When did this blogging thing, that I enjoyed so much, become something of a chore?  About the same time that I figured out that I am sort of a broken record, complaining about the same 'ol stuff over and over again. 

Well, I can end September, and start October with some new stuff:  

Mighty Mo's Big Change:

This weekend, Mighty Mo is embarking phase two of his newest job.  He heads out  Sunday morning, and we won't see him again till Friday. (Unless you count Skype.)  This, of course, means a big change for all of us.   He asked me before he took this job what I thought of him traveling 75%-80% of the time.  The fact is, I have mixed feelings.  Very mixed feelings.

• The Pro's:   I am excited about a few little things.  I am excited that I can "take back" some of the little concessions I make for the sake of peace in the house.  I know these concessions  are a part of living with someone, and loving them, and I feel a little guilty about being excited about them. But, nonetheless, here they are:
• I can use the kitchen after 9pm if I want to.
• I can have "regular" coffee, not half-caf, on weekdays.
• I can throw out left-overs before they turn green.
• I can watch TV on the big TV.  
• I can watch TV on the big TV after 9pm. 
• I can read in bed.
• I can have my night light(s).
• I can adjust the thermostat without fear of hysterics.
• I can order pizza with black olives.
• I can cook a dinner that does not include meat OR potatoes.
• OK... I am starting to feel bad about this list...
• The Con's:  There are several things I am worried about.  Mighty Mo does lots of little things I take for granted.  I guess those are his concessions. For example, I pull the liner out of the kitchen garbage can, tie it up, and set it by the back door, and it magically disappears. He walks the dog every morning. He stops at the store, and makes sure we have things like milk and sausage.  He keeps the yard looking nice (or at least neat), and takes care of the rental  houses.  Those are all things I know I can handle, but it's nice to know someone else is taking care of it. I am not worried about those things.  I am worried about these things:
• That Mighty Mo does not understand the level of stress traveling creates, and that he will hate it.  I fear the prospect of facing another job change.  He's already traded in one job that paid more than twice as much because it was too stressful.  I pray he didn't trade one stress for another and 1/2 the money. 
•  I think the weekends that fall between two trips will be stressful, just because his time at home will be spent preparing to leave again.  I hope that we get to enjoy our weekends, and him.
• I am worried that on the week he is home, the house will be in turmoil.  The girls and I will adjust to his being gone.  I am not too worried about it.  What I do worry about is that when he is home for a week, he will he adjust to us?  Or will he expect the  pre-travel status quo? While I know he'll need the sanctuary of being home, he also needs to be accommodating to the adjustments we will inadvertently make, and not expect us to topsy-turvy just because he's there. 

The Winter Garden

I planted a winter garden.  I am praying, praying that it turns out to be a good thing, and even something I love.  So far, I am thrilled with the progress, even though everything hasn't been perfect.  (I grew weeds instead of spinach.)  Somehow, I feel that the success or failure of the garden is tied to my future.  It's a harbinger of things to come, or not to come.  I need it to be a success. 

The Wedding

I am not sure if I ever gave my baby brother, or his finance (now wife), blog names.  I will have to work on that. But, they got married.  In Tennessee.  It was a beautiful wedding that was distinctly them. Very special.  I got to be a part of it by helping coordinate.  This was an important event in my life, probably more so than I knew before it happened.  I've always loved baby brother in a sort of parental way; very differently than I love the other brother -- an age difference of 11 years and where I was in the world when he was little left a huge mark on me. His marriage will probably only be topped by the marriages of my own children.  Knowing, that SHE is his soul mate is huge. I know this from  the bottom of my heart, beyond a shadow of a doubt, and even have had an angel visit and tell me so.  (Yes, I was visited in a dream. No alcohol or hallucinogens required.  I'll tell the story sometime. )

The LMNOP Choir

I am officially a contract laborer.  I took over the bookkeeping September 1.  It's taken me most of the month to transition things.  While this change will probably streamline lots of things, and not be a huge time impact from where I was, there is a mental change.  Now, it's a job, an official obligation now.  I hope I can continue to love everything I do in spite of it. So far, so good.

Work.

Let's just not go there.

The House:

Well, it's still a landfill. Clutter, clutter, clutter.  I had to be home one day to wait for the plumber. I got so much done in just a couple of hours.  I need that time.  I want that time. But, I can't take that time.  (see subtitle "Work".)

School and Extra Curriculars

I'm going to finish up the post here.  

Tman is struggling.  Sadly, I am not sure he knows what he is struggling with. He thinks he is struggling with school.  I think he is struggling with work ethic.  

I am disappointed in where he is right now, and I am not sure I have the right to be.  He says he is working his butt off, but I don't think he really understands what that means..  I just haven't seen, in attitude, input, or output signs of  "working his butt off". But he's not right under my nose either.   He's made some bad decisions

My girls are doing well.  (What does it about me that says if they are doing well, they aren't doing enough? ) MoJo is really just excelling in school.  She is organized, and thoughtful, and determined.  It is a very nice change.  The problem with that is that I don't feel like she is challenged.  I'm not sure any of the kids are being 'taught'.  They are being assigned.   She is loving singing.  Really loving it.  And, in my unprofessional opinion, she is doing exceptionally well.  Her high tones are really clear and are so pretty and crisp. 

Big B is also doing VERY well. There has been some change in her demeanor that is a bit worrisome.  I guess its teenagedom.  She is forgetful, and has even forgotten two homework assignments (that I know of).  She still has 6 A's and one B. Her singing, clarinet and piano are all coming along nicely.  She drive comes in spurts. I guess that is ok.  She is finding her way.

That's all for now.  I feel like I've been writing this post for forever.   Off to the foot doctor.  Yet another story...

Busy, busy, busy

Don't you just hate it when people tell you how busy they are?  I am the worlds worst ... which is my excuse for why I haven't blogged in a while.

But, the truth of the matter is, I've been ...??? ... lately.  I'm not sure what to call it.  Distracted?  Depressed? ADD?    Squirrel!

I have things to do.  MANY things to do.  I could work 24/7 for the next 3 months, and I'd still have things that were late. But,  I am not getting it done.  Heck, I'm not even getting started. I try to tell myself there will be rewards, and that progress comes from completion.  When I get my "list" completed, I'll be able to move on to the next thing.  I guess some part of me just doesn't believe it.

So the correct answer is, I could be busy.  I should be busy.  But the TO-DO list is just getting longer and longer. I've got to turn this around.

The Invasion of the STUFF

I've been fighting it off for a while, but it's overtaking me.  It inches in, bit by bit, piece by piece. Generally it happens in such small increments, I don't even notice.  I am fooled into carrying it in with me.  I have good intentions. And then something happens, and I look around, and realize that I am drowning in CLUTTER. Some of that clutter is pure junk.  Some of it has morphed from important document to garbage.

So I decided to take an embarrassing, painful, self imposed photo tour of my disaster of a house. The end result, hopefully, will be that I determine that there are lots of things that can go.

Bonus Room

The first pictures are taken from just inside the door from/to the garage. My view upon walking in....

To my right are the stairs up to the bonus room.  This is a TV room, the piano room, play room, occasionally the guest room since the couch is a sleeper sofa., and a general storage and clutter room. That stack of stuff is the wood flooring we bought for the house, but cant afford to have it installed.

There is always something on the steps.  The idea is that the next person who goes up will take the item up and  put it away.

Yeah, right.

Breakfast Area

This is taken from the same place, just inside the door from the garage, looking straight ahead to the breakfast area extension of the kitchen.  Funny, we never eat breakfast at that table.  It's where we sit on the rare occassion that we all eat dinner at the same time.

This is first surface one reaches upon walking in the door, so EVERYTHING lands here.   There is a box on the floor at the end of the table that is full of all the miscellaneous cleaning stuff from under the sink , because I need to have someone come look at the garbage disposal. Also, my canner pot thing is there, because I haven't figured out what to do with it.  Our chairs ALWAYS have something hanging on the back of them, or in the seat.  Sometimes it gets knocked down. That's what happened with the laundry basket and t-shirt. The dogs toy is randomly laying on the floor.

In the top left corner of the picutre, you can see the openeing to the living room.

Kitchen

To the left, at 11 o'clock,  is the kitchen.  It's a good kitchen.  The mess is on the low on end for the moment.  At the far end of the bar, there is a pile of mail,  bills, statements, and stuff that for one reason or another I've held on to.   The bright orange booklet is an LMNOP handbook.

On the other end of the bar is the newspapers, more stuff hanging on the chair.  The fridge is covered with artwork and magnets.  We get a magnet from wherever we go -- it's our collectible.  On the left edge of the picture, you see the doorway to the dining room.

The Hooks

Turn 90 degrees to the left and you are staring at this wall that sports a shelf with some hooks.  We put this in before book bags weighed 5000 lbs.  They hung on the hooks so that I could have easy access while cooking dinner.

Laundry Room

Still working from the door from the garage, take one giant step to the left and do a 180, and you are looking down a short hall to the laundry area.  Laundry has overtaken, and is inching out into the hall.

In this same hall there are doors to the right and left.  On the right is the half or guest bath.  On the left is the door to my "second" pantry.  I think it may have originally been a coat closet, but when we moved in, it already had shelves.  I've always stored the extra appliances, like blenders, and mixers and crock-pots in there.  My iron cookware is in there somewhere, as well as art supplies, two EZBake ovens (waste of Santa's good money and sleigh space), art supplies, extra paper products, and other general junk.

Living Room

So now, we walk about 15 feet forward, and look into the living room.  This picture is taken from the breakfast area looking across the room. Today's decorating focal point is the tall ladder, which was needed to change light bulbs in the recessed lighting.  The living room does manage to stay relatively clutter free, because we never live there.  MightyMo watches TV in this room, and since he is the master of his own remote, and watches things like fishing and hunting shows, us girls tend to stay clear.

At the far end of the room are two doorways.  The one to the left is the foyer.  The one to the right leads to three of the bedrooms.

Foyer

The foyer.  This is least used area of our house.  It's the place where you can temporarily put something large and it wont be in anyone's way.  So, I find myself sticking stuff here ALL THE TIME.

For example, there is a small cedar trunk that my mom built for me.  It's lived in BigB's room for 6 years.  We took it the foyer "temporarily" when we painted her room a couple of months ago, and she decided she did not want it to live in her room anymore.  So the foyer is where it has stayed.

In the foreground to the right is the Goodwill Box.   I have learned that I must always have a Goodwill box.  When a child pulls out clothing that has become too small, or that they have decided they hate and will never wear again, the rule is to take it immediately to the Goodwill Box.  If they don't, they leave it laying around in the room, where it eventually ends up in a dirty clothes pile, which I end up washing.  Re-washing clean clothes that my children will never wear again infuriates me worse than just anything else in the world.  I hate laundry.

Other items that are "temporarily" in the foyer:  A cello, that I must return to a friend, so it can live under her piano again, suit cases that need to go to the attic, an air mattress, because I haven't taken time to figure out whether it is the "good" one or the one with a hole in, and my vacuum cleaner, because I am ABOUT to vacuum. 

Dining Room

From the foyer, we take a left and look into the dining room.  This is the most embarrassing of all the rooms, because it has been a mess for the longest.  The mess is actually in layers. starts with the

The gold table cloth was put over another table cloth to protect it when B was finishing a school project last spring.   There is a bag from Hobby Lobby with extra supplies from the project.  There is a box that brought some magic something from UPS... ARGH. There is something else in the box now, but I cannot remember what.  Also in the dining room are boxes of fabric scraps and stuff that were my mother-in-laws.  My father-in-law was cleaning out some things after her death and I wanted her sewing machine.  He decided anything and everything that had to do with sewing needed to accompany the machine to my house. So.... stuff.

Kitchen

And now, we're back, full circle, standing in the door from the dining room that looks into the kitchen.  The pantry door is ALWAYS open. We have a bulletin board attached to the door which holds a calendar, pictures, some bills, school login info, etc.

There is more house, more clutter, but  I'll save that for another day.  If I can get these rooms cleaned up this weekend, I'll have accomplished a ton.

The NEW me.

I am on a mission.

My mission begins with being focused at work.  IE: Actually focusing on work.  There are many things undone, many things done poorly and many things I can do better.  I am on a mission.

My mission is to totally be ready for something brand new in 9.5 months (no, I am NOT pregnant.).  June 1, 2012 is my target date, with a self imposed grace period to July 1.  There is much to do.

I guess I am off to a bad start, since I am blogging on work time. But, I've probably accomplished more this morning than I did all of last week. 

BigB and Mojo started school this morning.  (Technically, Mojo started last week, but in my opinion, they were half days filled with unpacking supplies, coloring and mom doing paperwork.  Let's just say, I don't think they count.)   The start of school is the perfect time for me to start a new routine.  

So... here is my list of changes that are being implemented today:

1. Spend more time working when its work time.    I know, I know.  This seems like an easy thing to do, but I have this habit of working when I should be home with family, and doing family things when I should be working. 
2. I am going to get back to my weight watchers diet.  Or Atkins, or something, or some combination of the two.  I am within 6-8 lbs of gaining back all 32 of the pounds I busted my butt to loose two years ago.  I refuse to gain them all back.  I am going to reverse the progression on the scales.   I WILL program exercise into my schedule.   My age demands it.  Core strength is going to be my focus, since this helps my back the most.  Cardio is secondary.  (Mojo wants to run cross country. I doubt it will last, but maybe we can work at it together. )

It's not a long list, but these two things will help me accomplish my big goal. There are many sub-lists. I've got lots of details to work out.

Check on me along  the way.  Allow no excuses. In 9.5 months, I hope I'll be introducing you to the NEW, new me. I am pumped!

And now we return to our regularly scheduled programming.

It's back to school time. 

I am so underexcited about homework, and projects, and test studying, and packing snacks, and yucky school lunc.... wait. that's not my line!  Those lines go to the kids.

But, I am underexcited about having to oversee all of this. It's back to ironing uniforms, and monitoring homework, making sure everyone has their supplies and making sure the kids get three square meals a day, because if they don't eat a good breakfast, they will surely suffer misreably. (My only question is - do Keebler
Chocolate Chip cookies count as a good breakfast?)  I get to do all that, all while working a full time job, amongst other important things. It's a challenge, not because it's hard stuff,  but because it's on someone else's schedule.

Don't get me wrong.  I am excited about is routine. I do actually like routine, knowing what to expect and when to expect it. I am not afraid to alter the routine when needed (which seems to be often), but at least I know I am interrupting.  What I don't like is the schools lack of respect for my routine.

Fact:  I know my kids have busy afternoons on Monday's and Tuesdays.  They have extra curricular activities that in my opinion, are very, very close to being just as important as their school work.  This is my parent prerogative, and the school cannot take that away.  The problem is that teachers tend to hand out their "goal sheets", generally with a boat load of assignments on them, on Mondays.  It seems that there is generally lots of stuff due on Tuesday's and Wednesday's. Right when my kids have the least amount of time.

Now, why can't teachers pass out assignments for the following week on Fridays?  For us, the weekends could  be used to get a little ahead, to compensate for lack of time during the week.   There is nothing wrong with working ahead, especially when its things like looking up definitions, or copying spelling words 3 times, or copying a Bible verse. If the assignment is math, with a new concept that won't be covered until Monday, that is a different story.  

Anyway, I get frustrated with the fact that the systems don't teach time management.  Management of the students time, not the teachers.

Also, I teach my kids to use found time.  For years, they've done homework (and even practice band instruments) in the car.  Last year, BigB and I spent an average of about 25 minutes every school day traveling to school.  Sometimes she played clarinet, sometimes she studied, sometimes we talked, and sometimes she slept.  Whatever she did, it was good use of time.  She did not sit day dreaming watching the scenery go by. MightyMO took Mojo to school daily, and she did sort of the same thing, just on a smaller scale.  This school year, MightyMO's new job is throwing a kink in that.  The plan right now is to put BigB on the bus everyday at 6:15.  I still have to drive her to the bus stop, but it's closer -- probably not enough time to practice anything.  And I doubt she'll be allowed to practice clarinet on the bus.  Hopefully, she'll still use the time for homework. 

So, I guess you could say we are returning to the regularly scheduled programming.. It's the same show, but its the season premier.  We know the characters, and the theme, but we are also in the dark, and don't know how the story will unfold.  Heck, we're not even sure how it will begin.    

Stay tuned.  We'll be back right after this....