Wrestling

I am an open book, too the point that it might be a bad thing. I will tell most anybody about problems, and every deep dark secret. I also share joy. I think my openess scares a lot of people off. Maybe it comes across as needy. It's just that somehow I learned early in life that keeping things in, especially secrets, is a damaging, dangerous thing. No one told me this, it just sort of happened intrinsically. Maybe it was because secrets were kept from me, and in the end, that was hurtful.

Well, I have some things on my mind, and I really want to get them out in the open. They are family things, and I admit, I both want and need some support. I need some friends who will listen as I wrestle with these issues. I need some folks who will tell me if they think I am on the wrong side. I am not afraid off being wrong, and I smart enough to know that I look at the world through only one set of eyes, and sometimes my vision is askew.

What I am wrestling with is that by virtue of the fact that I am dealing with "family" things, it's not just me. There are others involved who want to keep things private, and by their definition, private means talking to no one. To try to honor this, I have taken the professional route, and took the problems to a family counselor at church. The "family" did not participate, and in fact, the family was initially not invited to participate. I went for me. The couselor said that the privacy thing is being pushed so far, that it's control, not confidentiality. By not letting others see what is going on, and making sure there is no else can offer an opinion, or perspective, it's easy for one person to claim they are always in the right.

I guess by writing this, I am opening a door that I am not sure should be open. I know I haven't given specifics, but I also know it aint hard to figure out. I am to the point that I might have to put others wishes aside, and take control.

So I am wrestling. Not only with the issues at hand, but with how to get them out in the open while still being respectful and considerate.